It’s Valentine’s Day 2012. While I feel that my maturity, at least as it relates to relationships, is growing with each passing February 14th, I came to a pretty poignant realization in the past few months: I don’t deserve her.

Who is ‘her’, you ask? Gentlemen, ‘her’ is the typical female friend in your life. Yea, that one that you are not dating. The one you enjoy companionship with. The one you enjoy texting when you’re feeling lonely or wanting to converse with the opposite sex. The one you’ll meet up with from time to time. The one you flirt with for the thrill of it. It may not even be one, it might be many. Sadly, whether we’ll admit it or not, it’s the one we’re “dating” but without any of the commitment.

I am selfish. I guess I always knew that. I could twist this around in so many ways saying that it’s just human nature and that I’m just doing my best, but all that would simply be efforts to bullshit my way out of admitting that I don’t deserve her.

Since I am still young, I feel that I am not ready to throw aside the things I want to do in my life. If I were to enter into a relationship, I’m sure that I would love deeply and would probably allow it to become a higher priority than what might be best for me in my singleness. But because of these various deliberations and logic, I have probably misled many wonderful females I have had the pleasure of coming across in my life.

This so-called dysfunctional relationship actually isn’t so rare when I look around at many around  me. We, as men, need to step up as gentlemen and stop treating these females as placeholders. While it may deceptively seem like both parties are benefiting from this convenient “friendship” of sorts, I’d have to sadly admit that we’re just blind. We’re just feeding a relationship that in essence benefits us, and we don’t even care about the long-term repercussions. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard the following statement from one of my male friends: “yo, we’re just friends” or “dude, she’s like a sister to me.” I know that I’ve been guilty of saying this in response to passing inquiries as well.

So why is there a dire need for this so-called “wake-up call”? Because the risk lies in not just a convenient relationship with your “just friend” but rather in her heart and the vulnerability that encases it.

I know so many females with wonderful hearts. These very same women are expecting males around them to make the first move and as these very same women grow older, they’re bound to weigh the actions of their male friends when all these men are doing are feeding their own egos.

We, as gentlemen, need to stop feeding our own egos and stop passively advocating these single women to waste their time on us if we’re not romantically interested. That being said, if you are really interested in your female friend, stop being a coward and pursue her. Otherwise, end the quasi-friendship and MAN up. I’ll guarantee you that even though you are “just friends” when you end this, it will feel like a deep breakup. And even more so if you really care for the girl. Either way, taking this step is definitely a difficult one, but it is a step that needs to be taken.

It’s a sad realization i’ve come to, but it is one that reminds me that I’m a broken guy in need of a lot of Grace and though I fail, I’m growing and becoming a better human being. In carrying on these so-called quasi-relationships, I haven’t just been stealing her time and attention, I’ve been stealing the love and emotional intimacy that she should be reserving for her future love interest. And this is why I don’t deserve her.

Self Promotion

If you are reading this, you’ve given into a technique of shameless self-promotion, and while you probably could have easily ignored this post and written it off as self-adulation, you are hopefully intrigued enough to hear out what I have to say. Self promotion is a topic that I feel like everyone will be able to relate to in some form or other. It’s also something one definitely needs, but needs to be careful how to go about doing it.

Sadly, I should admit up front that I cannot bench 475 nor will I probably ever. Not that you probably couldn’t already figure that out by taking a look at me… Anyhow, I recently found myself re-thinking this idea of self-promotion.

In the past few weeks, I’ve been made aware of a few novel truths about myself. First, a close co-worker of mine stated that one of my strengths was that I am “creative.” I can only recall being called creative only once in my life and that was that time in 2nd grade when we had an old substitute teacher and I proceeded to quietly pass a note around the room that read: ‘Drop your textbook on the floor at 1PM.’ Pretty soon, every kid in class was watching the seconds tick off from 12:59 and as that clock hand hit that magic number, I was elated at the magnificently loud sound of textbooks hitting the floor coupled with the sheer magnitude of the substitute teacher’s frightening scream. My trip to the principal’s office was so worth it, and my ego grew just a little bit as I sat there being told that my actions were absolutely unacceptable, yet absolutely creative for someone my age. My luck since then, is a whole other story.

Being that this is the only time I can remember being called creative, I asked my co-worker to expound upon her statement. And then I realized that she was speaking about this dogmatic thinking that individuals in various careers are either creative or critical. I would imagine that most in my field of academia, sciences, and healthcare lean toward the critical side. Anyhow, it seems that those who surround me at work are individuals who have used their critical thinking skills to get to where they are. PhDs, MDs, PharmDs, RNs, you name it. I suppose these individuals don’t really need to self-promote since they have this “badge” of self-promotion right next to their names. So we come back to this concept of self-promotion. I have always heard that if you are in a creative field or working in something like music, you need to self promote to develop a following for your creative work. Of course there is a clear line between self-promotion and self-adulation. Self-adulation is technically defined as the “excessive admiration of one self.” That definition alone makes me cringe. Self-promotion should be an art of spreading ideas, concepts, and one’s own vision.

This past weekend, I was in NYC for a wedding, and I was talking to a good buddy of mine from college. While he is currently pursuing his degree at a prestigious law school, he is one of the most creative guys I know. And so when I made a coy suggestion that he use YouTube to get his humorous ideas out to the public, he replied to me “No way, I don’t ever want to self promote myself like that. It’s just not something I would do.” I understood his sentiments, but my heart sank because as a musician, one of the main avenues of building up a following of listeners has been to use YouTube. And this got me thinking. I’ve just been doing what others are doing, by setting up Twitters, YouTubes, and even Facebook Pages, but then why was I feeling so guilty? I put myself into other people’s shoes, and was horrified at this prospect that they might just see this as some sort of insecurity or self-boasting. Furthermore, I could just hear the thoughts going through people’s minds: “Who does he think he is?” coupled with the harmless-yet-malicious ‘eye-rolling’.

It is actually pretty funny because if you talk to “communication experts” (really?), they say that the magic number is to self-promote 20% of the time. They will tell you that self-promotion is NOT an instinctive behavior, but rather an art form that requires refinement through trial-and-error. It is deemed an “important skill to master” which makes sense since nobody likes someone who brags all the time. I don’t know about you, but we live in some tricky times. We live in the United States where you are supposed to be bold and chase your dreams. A perfect picture of this is when you see athletes in jubilation when they reach their title aspirations. Yet we are touched by humbleness and humility. We do indeed live in a digital age where self-promotion has become so accessible and personal branding is considered a skill set.

Online self-promotion is even more complicated because it begins as a one-sided discussion of sorts. For instance, this blog… I throw myself out there, attempting to stand out amongst the masses, drawing attention to a glimpse into my thoughts and ideas. But in doing so, I’ve learned a pretty important lesson. No amount of writing skills or expertise can be crafted into entries that serve as a personal statement of who I truly am. I need to cultivate conversations/discussions and develop relationships through interactions and engaging with my would-be readers.

I recently met up with a friend I had not seen in maybe 6 years. We had kept in touch through online means over the years, and it was wonderful catching up. It is interesting though, because at one point in the conversation, he said to me “You know, it’s funny because in person, you’re very different than how I imagined you to be now.” I understood that it is quite easy for a person like him who does not interact with me every day, to draw conclusions and assume certain things about me (both good and bad), since they have but only certain mediums from which to draw these conclusions. Which brings us full circle to the medium of how one projects oneself. While we cannot control how others will perceive us, there is definitely merit in not only being transparent in my writing but also being intentional and authentic in the relationships I cultivate. Basically, self-promotion doesn’t end with the delivery of a message. You must maintain relationships.

I am indeed thankful that I have been blessed with the opportunity to cultivate relationships with others in person, but I was quite taken aback because I realized that oftentimes when people write about their own thoughts and feelings, it is usually so much easier to write about just the positives and exaggerate successes and strengths. Instead, the focus should be on a set vision and ideas. But I truly do believe that if you have your own vision and set of ideas and carry yourself both confidently and authentically, people will either love you or hate you for it. It has been said that the main rule of self-promotion is to “be the best version of yourself.”

I feel that conversing with individuals in person is a much easier medium than online to talk about feelings or personal struggles and/or faults. In some ways, I think it has been quite freeing and cathartic these past few months to write more from a combination of my heart and my ideas, mixing into it a sense of vulnerability (as seen in my previous entry about loneliness). (Shameless self-promotion within a written piece about self-promotion. Yes, this is what they call ultimate irony.) It is a personal challenge of mine to attempt to approach writing in this way… to approach it with both humility and authenticity.

So, one positive way of looking at self-promotion is the investment of one’s own time into a conversation which in turn will inspire hope, thought, or action in the other individual, and then in turn that individual will pass this along. In ironic fashion, the best self-promotion is the promotion done by others, not by self. Of course, it is important to note that this description is of my own sense of self-promotion and what it should be. So following in that line of thinking, I feel that the take-home point is that if everyone is a self-proclaimed expert and there is no shortage of hyperbole in everyday conversations, then the individual who represents their own self but also at the same time exercises both a sense of transparency and also a balance of authenticity and humility will be most respected.

Photo Commissioned for this entry {www.annyphotography.com}

This concept of loneliness has been pervading my personal thoughts over the past few months. Let’s address something first. Loneliness is not the same as being alone. Why write about loneliness? Simply put, loneliness is something that no one wants to admit they are going through let alone want to talk about. Furthermore, it is also something that no individual is immune to. But I think it makes sense to step out in faith and admit it; talk about it. While I had previously written about loneliness in the context of relationships, I didn’t quite know how to go about beginning to write about my own loneliness. But I did once hear that writing was an antidote for loneliness. So the most logical step was to just simply put pen to paper and begin.

When loneliness clouds your vision, it becomes the only thing you can see and understand. Following its due progression, it’s naturally the only thing that you can think about. It won’t necessarily make you (as the writer) an expert on anyone else’s loneliness (e.g. the reader), but since much of what surrounds loneliness is made up of similar elements, the writer/reader juxtaposition is a deeper relationship. In the end, a writer will write to tell others what they themselves see; what they themselves feel. And regardless of whether or not the reader can relate, in the end, writing will potentially be a way for an individual to escape from the labyrinth within his or her mind. And in some magical eureka moment, the reader may just come across an arrangement of words that just might define their own experience, and point them toward some sort of window through which his or her own perspective might change. For better or worse.

I suppose it would help to explain how I came to this place of self-contemplation which exists alongside loneliness. It has been an interesting first quarter of 2011. Aside from work, many new opportunities related to music have been popping up. I have had the pleasure of doing a bit of traveling and meeting many new individuals. While this has been wonderful on so many levels, being constantly on the move coupled with new faces in unfamiliar surroundings has left me quite lonely. It’s almost like you’re surrounded by air, not water, but you’re still drowning. You’re drowning in this realization that all the discussions and interactions, aren’t really satisfying this thirst you have for true fellowship or connectedness. I’m not exactly stating that you go straight from a sense of loneliness to self-contemplation and then you’re done. For me, the past few months has culminated in a self-contemplation of sorts consisting of many stages. It isn’t an unfamiliar concept that we live in an era of surface relationships and interactions that stem across various avenues, such as texting, instant messaging, and email. This loss of personal connectedness is quite worrisome.

On the other hand, it seems that these types of connections are quite ubiquitous and it may just be that this is the inevitable direction that personal relationships are steering toward. My cries for society to do better with connectedness will probably go unheard. Simply put, you could presume that society is driven by something that waits for nothing: time. Society will defend itself by saying that time waits for no one and we need to get on with life, since life is so transient. But then there is an irony in that. Because life is transient, should you stop to smell the roses? Or are the roses really not worth missing out on that next platform we’re chasing. But then when life is through, will we have found ourselves running in circles, with an odd realization that we’ve simply tired ourselves out and fallen out of the hamster wheel?

One example of a transitional relationship between loneliness and connectedness is seen in the process of the grieving that takes place with the passing of a loved one. When someone we know loses someone they love, we want to acknowledge their pain so much… almost as if to know it as our very own. We go through the motions. We offer up our shoulder to cry on. We even offer our awkward platitudes. Maybe send some flowers (which in proper Dostoevsky-like form, will wither away much like all living things). And then a strange thing happens. Time plays its cards and we move on, leaving them to mourn on their own. We don’t do this in carelessness but rather because we understand society’s own defense that grief is a lonely and personal place. Nothing we say or do will really matter. It’s all part of a process.

I can’t help but think of one of the most poignant books I’ve ever read, “A Grief Observed” by C.S. Lewis. In the book, Lewis wrote about his experience with grief after the death of his wife, who succumbed to cancer. He didn’t write about his wife’s sickness but rather about his own thoughts within his mind. You are able to see “through the progression of the book”, the stages of his coming back to the world. In devouring his thoughts, one key element still stands out: I feel that the loneliness (expressing the pain of being alone) and solitude (expressing the glory of being alone) found in his experience with death and grief, was a secluded privilege of sorts.

And while calling it a privilege would almost seem counterintuitive, I really do believe loneliness is but a stage that is inevitably necessary for true growth. Of course, growth results from the self-contemplation that exists alongside loneliness. These days, it’s almost a recurring theme I hear from friends and family, who assume that since I’m quite extrovert, I must be having the time of my life being able to meet new people and see new sights. But I feel that my life experiences have instilled in me this desire and need for deeper connections with individuals, and in just making do with interactions that side on superficiality, externality, and brevity, it is leaving me almost depressed and quite lonely. I’m also not trying to say that every person I meet, I would expect to connect with on a deeper level, but I do feel that if the majority of the relationships that surround me are on a surface level, then it is likened to my being alone in a jail cell. Call me crazy for making this comparison, but at least in a jail cell, you can only but be yourself, whereas on the other hand, you are expected to go through the motions that all those around you are going through.

I honestly struggle with this idea of differentiating between certain relationships with certain people. You cannot connect on a deeper level with every individual, but I refuse to accept that and will damn well try, even if it means I’ll fall and get hurt. It goes back to vulnerability, which again I previously discussed as it relates to relationships. Those who make themselves vulnerable enough will either hurt lot or experience one of the key joys of life- to love and be loved in return. This isn’t limited to romantic relationships.

It’s also frustrating to know that as I come across more unique individuals and as I experience more unique situations in life, … it becomes harder and harder to relate to everyone on every thing. Now I do think it’s important to point out that the “quick fix” of reaching out to someone because they are lonely isn’t necessarily the best answer either. It really is acceptable to feel loneliness.

In the end, we’re not meant to be solitary creatures. But there is a sense of irony in that I feel that some solitude is indeed a necessity. You will either understand the difference between loneliness and solitude or believe it is the very same thing. But if you see loneliness as the “poverty of self” and solitude as the “richness of self“, then you’ll see that loneliness is almost a fear of living. But I suppose it makes more sense knowing what my loneliness points to. Singer/songwriter Brooke Fraser reiterates one of Lewis’ points in her song “C.S. Lewis Song” where she writes: “If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy, I can only conclude that I was not made for here.” For me, loneliness points toward finding hope in something beyond my own self. It points to an inevitable stumbling; maybe even a fall. But you pick yourself back up, and start living.

It has been a joy to struggle through loneliness and learn to embrace the solitude, and allow it to serve as a catalyst to really think about and challenge my own mindset. A mindset that holds within it what it is that I strive for and live for, each and every day. It isn’t about the status of my job or a chosen career. It isn’t about nice cars, fancy things, nice homes or any other measures of wealth. It isn’t about how many people you know or how popular you are or how many people are enamored with you. Instead, I feel that it’s probably got to do a little something with the relationships I am cultivating through love. I’m not saying its easy. People by nature have conflicting hearts that oftentimes deceive and so in turn, conflict is inevitable. We won’t be able to love all the time, but like many things in life, the effort we put in will most likely define us. And so, contrary to what society tells you, it’s okay to be alone. Because loneliness is a privilege. In loneliness and in solitude, we proclaim the depths of our love. It is a privilege that indeed has no place for society.

“…chasing dreams on the bend/left with nothing in the end/trying to fill the void/left destroyed/you know, this unhappiness inside fosters a hunger for the sky.” -Jae Jin (lyrics from an upcoming EP track)

As a musician, writing songs is such a beautiful and wonderful thing, yet painstakingly difficult. Over the last decade, I’ve filled pages upon pages with songs, or rather words resembling an order that may or may not be able to be set to a melody. Some pages have but a few words. Some pages, you can see the words getting smaller and smaller, the closer and closer I get to the bottom of the page… trying to squeeze out every last ounce of what is on my mind. Songwriting is indeed a craft. It’s not just something that you do, like breathing. Very rarely does it come to you in some dream. You work at it, like every other thing in life worth putting effort into. I’ve found that my songs touch upon the human condition… this experience or experiences of trying to understand oneself within a specific social or personal setting. And to go even further, theorizing that the one thing we all have in common, is searching out our purpose… relating ourselves to the environment we exist in… seeking out understanding and our influence in this very environment around us. And then, I suppose, that I hope that when people hear my songs or read my lyrics, they’ll be able feel certain emotions or find their own selves in the very line of words I’ve purposefully put together.

I am happy and excited to announce, that in just a few short weeks, I will be releasing my very first single from my EP album. While I have had the pleasure of releasing some songs in collaboration with other musicians and producers, this is the very first song that I am truly able to call my very own. The lyrics come from my heart and soul and the melodies sung are in my own unique style. It is my hope that when the beats, melodies, instruments, and the singing of the words are stripped away, all these things combined will have expressed enough to evoke some sort of feeling or emotion in the individual listening to the song. I am also excited that many, including those I know and those I do not know, will be able to get a sense of what my music is about and will be about. Of course, my songwriting on this particular song is not a final product of who I am, as there is still growth to undertake and molding to undergo, into who I have been made to become.

In this day and age, it seems like a lot of people are caught up on the word “happiness” and what it entails or how it relates to one’s life. I feel that a lot of my songwriting focuses not on “being happy” or “being depressed” but rather on the ups and downs of blessings and joy. I recall a discussion I had about a year ago with a few musician friends in New York City about music. I brought up Bob Dylan, Leonard Cohen, and Joni Mitchell as a few of my favorite and most influential songwriters. At that time, I had recently read an interesting article in Rolling Stone magazine in which Bob Dylan spoke about “happiness” being a “yuppie word.” To him, he felt that what really mattered was being “blessed or unblessed.” I think that this struck really deeply in my mind.

Eudaimonia is the Greek word that is translated as “happiness” and in its most classical Greek sense, doesn’t even really take much resemblance to what many of us call “happiness” in today’s day and age. The word doesn’t  point to a subjective emotional state, but rather an objective state of being… a state of being that includes living well and doing well (integrity and good prosperity). Many of us believe that happiness consists of being free to do, come, and go as we please. In the end, I feel that many of us are so excited and proud to talk about how “self-aware” we are, but let’s be honest… the only things we are truly cognizant of is our moods(states of mind). Many of us know how we feel at any given moment, but know little else about  ourselves. That’s not to say that this lack of true self-awareness is a negative thing. It just supports the idea that in times when we are in a bad mood, or feel tired or frustrated or unsatisfied, there’s something else, beyond our own selves. And that is perfectly okay.

Some of us may need to move beyond seeking after our own satisfaction, instead attempting a sincere and committed pursuance of balancing living and doing well with certain disciplines… and that may or may not include spirituality or faith for some of you. Speaking for myself, much of my own thoughts and feelings have been defined by my faith and I feel that song-writing has included its joys on one hand, and its painstaking difficulties on the other. To me, it is both a humbling and astonishing concept to be able to use the words and thoughts and emotions of my own life, to be able to evoke and ignite a whole other set of words, thoughts, and emotions in another individual. And to do this through something as universal and expressive as music, only magnifies this.

“To me, the only way songwriting works is if you write the truth. It’s the only way it works, period. Where I’m going as a writer, what I’m looking for is an expansion of the truth, finding out more truth – especially about me. It’s easier to write about me, because I know where I am. As a younger man, it was easy to get to my truth: I was a simple man, having fun. As you get older it gets more complicated – but it’s also about opening up a lot more places. After all, that’s where the deeper truth resides.” -Pat Green

Valentine’s Day is in just a few short weeks. I recently spoke to a friend of mine who was stating her urgency in finding a male counterpart, to fulfill her desire to actually celebrate this holiday for the first time in years. Of course, she matter-of-factly stated that it was–obviously–  a stupid holiday. I suppose its safe to say that many individuals are in this same predicament. Although I feel that they wouldn’t dare outwardly admit so. You’ll hear either one side or the other. There is some sort of brash bravery associated with being single and proud of it, just as much as there is a kind of brashness in romanticizing on the opposite extreme. On the flip side, just because you’re in a relationship, and will actually celebrate this random day, doesn’t necessarily mean you are guaranteed a wonderful time or that you’ll be left completely satisfied either. What makes a specially marked calendar day such as Valentine’s day an excuse to treat someone better than you do any other day? I suppose Hallmark, Godiva, and other similar romance-related companies would benefit the most if we actually put in this same kind of effort 365 days of the year… but I digress.

I came across a really interesting short blurb by Ashton Kutcher. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. “Blogging about a quote from Ashton Kutcher?!? The Punk’d guy?!?” In his defense, I feel that his dating a much older woman has kind of forced him into maturity faster than he probably would have reached it had he been dating Selena Gomez or some other Disney-sponsored teenie-bopper. Regardless, the premise of his new movie “No Strings Attached” is actually quite an interesting one.  While the concept isn’t novel, it’s almost a hush hush situation that isn’t as unusual as one might think. [[Note: The movie--even though it's a chick flick-- was actually really good. There's actually a lot more content to blog about so I may revisit this at a later time]] In the movie, Kutcher does touch upon some interesting points regarding the exchange of communication in today’s day and age:

I was shooting a scene in my new film, No Strings Attached, in which I say to Natalie Portman,

“If you miss me. you can’t text, you can’t email, you can’t post it on my Facebook wall. If you really miss me, you come and see me.”

I began to think of all of the billions of intimate exchanges sent daily via fingers and screens, bouncing between satellites and servers. With all this texting, emailing, and social networking, I started wondering, are we all becoming so in touch with one another that we are in danger of losing touch?

It used to be that boy met girl and they exchanged phone numbers. Anticipation built. They imagined the entire relationship before a call ever happened. The phone rang. Hearts pounded. “Hello?” Followed by a conversation that lasted two hours but felt like two minutes and would be examined with friends for two weeks. If all went well, a date was arranged. That was then.

Now we exchange numbers but text instead of calling because it mitigates the risks of early failure and eliminates those deafening moments of silence. Now anticipation builds. Bdoop. “It was NICE meeting u” Both sides over-analyze every word. We talk to a friend, an impromptu Cyrano: “He wrote nice in all caps. What does that mean? What do I write back?” Then we write a response and delete it 10 times before sending a message that will appear 2 care, but not 2 much. If all goes well, a date will be arranged.

Whether you like it or not, the digital age has produced a new format for modern romance, and natural selection may be favoring the quick-thumbed quip peddler over the confident, ice-breaking alpha male. Or maybe we are hiding behind the cloak of digital text and spell-check to present superior versions of ourselves while using these less intimate forms of communication to accelerate the courting process. So what’s it really good for?

There is some argument about who actually invented text messaging, but I think it’s safe to say it was a man. Multiple studies have shown that the average man uses about half as many words per day as women, thus text messaging. It eliminates hellos and goodbyes and cuts right to the chase. Now, if that’s not male behavior, I don’t know what is. It’s also great for passing notes. there is something fun about sharing secrets with your date while in the company of others. think of texting as a modern whisper in your lover’s car.

Sending sweet nothings on Twitter or Facebook is also fun. in some ways, it’s no different than sending flowers to the office: You are declaring your love for everyone to see. Who doesn’t like to be publicly adored. Just remember that what you post is out there and there’s some stuff you can’t un-see. But the reality is that we communicate with every part of our being, and there are times when we must use it all. When someone needs us, he or she needs all of us. There’s no text that can replace a loving touch when someone we love is hurting.

We haven’t lost romance in the digital age, but we may be neglecting it. In doing so, antiquated art forms are taking on new importance. The power of a hand-written letter is greater than ever. It’s personal and deliberate means more than an email or text ever will. It has a unique scent. It requires deciphering. But, most important, it’s flawed There are errors in handwriting, punctuation, grammar, and spelling that show our vulnerability. And vulnerability is the essence of romance. It’s the art of being uncalculated, the willingness to look foolish, the courage to say,

“This is me, and I’m interested in you enough to show you my flaws with the hope that you may embrace me for all that I am but, more importantly, all that I am not.”

Thoughts?

We are only a few days away from the month of December, and now that Thanksgiving has passed us by, we’ll be reminded of the holiday season through all the red, white, and green as well as the ubiquitous commercialism of this season. I was recently reading over my old journal entries and came across one in particular I had written many, many Decembers ago. I had written down a story that had blessed me immensely. The story was about a mother who was going to attend an evening production of her son’s “Winter Celebration Concert” when he was in Kindergarten.

Along with the rest of the parents and all the children of the school, the mother sat with anticipation for all that was about to unfold. As the school was a public school system, they had stopped referring to the holiday as Christmas and in her mind, she didn’t expect anything but commercial entertainment– songs about Rudolph, Santa Claus, snow men, and good cheer. So as her son’s class rose to sing a song titled “Christmas Love,” she was taken aback by its bold title.

Her son was aglow, as were all of his classmates, as they stood adorned in fuzzy mittens, cozy red and green sweaters, and bright white snowcaps upon their heads. Each child in the front row held up posters with letters on them spelling out the song. As the class would sing C is for Christmas, the C would be lifted high above the respective child’s head, and so on. Things were going well, until everyone noticed a little girl with what should have been an M holding it upside down, making it look like a W. The audience of elementary school students all began to snicker at this little girl’s mistake. But it didn’t faze her. She stood up tall, and proudly held up her “W”.

Although many of the teachers tried to shush their respective classes, the laughter and snickering continued until the last letter was raised up, and they all saw the letters together. A hush of silence fell over the audience and eyes began to widen. In that instant, the mother thought to herself of the reason why they were there, and why we celebrated the holiday in the first place. For as the last letter was held up high, the message read loud and clear: “CHRISTWAS LOVE.”  ((Christ still is and always will be LOVE))

As I think about this holiday season, and all the cheer and festivity, I can’t help but think of the reason why we love others. May we all offer up that love in all that we do. As you are surrounded by family and loved ones, may Christ’s love be with each and every one of you this CHRISTMAS season.

With love,
Jae Jin

This Saturday, I will be 26 years of age. I don’t really make a big deal out of my birthday. I do still remember the most important lesson about “birthdays” that I ever had. The first year my mother married my stepfather, it was my 14th birthday. My stepfather came home from work that day with a bouquet of flowers in his arms.

“But I’m a man!  Flowers look nice, but I’m not sure that’s what I exactly wanted for my birthday,” I said, with the right amount of dramatic hesitation.

With a surprised look on his face, he quickly replied, “Who said you’re getting a present for your birthday? Who did all the work when you were born? Who went through all the pain? These flowers are for your mother!”

I really couldn’t argue with that, so I slowly, sulked my way back to my room, as he handed the bouquet to my mother giving her a kiss on the cheek.  I really DO hope that I’ll be half the man my stepfather is, when get to eventually be his age.

Here are 26 thoughts and reflections as I turn 26. I’ll start with the misfortunes of turning 26, and move toward the fortunes and blessings of doing so. By the way, thank you all for taking the time to read this blog and be a part of my life. If you know me personally, you’ve helped to mold and shape me in some way or other. I feel truly blessed to reach the age of 26.

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1. No Free Lunch. Don’t believe anyone when they tell you, at age 21, that you’re an adult. That’s bullsh*t. Especially in this day and age. At age 26, you still aren’t an adult, but you’re darn sure expected to be one. No asking for or borrowing money from your parents. No excuse paying your bills in an untimely manner. No staying out late/drinking on a weekday night, with work the next morning. No unemployment(unless you are in a graduate school well on your way to being one of the Asian “3″: Doctor/Lawyer/Businessman). No moving back home. You’ve gotta be a grown-up.

2. No Looking Forward to Specific Ages as they relate to Laws. At age 18, if you were into lung abuse, you could buy cigarettes. You could also legally buy pornography, which also proved you were from the stone age and hadn’t heard of something called the Internet. At age 21, you could finally buy/drink alcohol. If you ended up going to college, chances were that aside from studies, you also were taught and socially encouraged to break this law often. Then just last year, I was elated to find that I could legally rent a car on my own… and then ZipCar got really big.

3. Employment Equals Social Status, not Money. Thankfully my $160,000 education from a prestigious University didn’t go toward flipping burgers at McDonalds, but by age 26, your job has to be more than a job.  Many of my peers were part of the unfortunate group that graduated with the economical instability, and many worthy candidates, were left jobless. That didn’t stop people from finding tutoring jobs, or going off to other countries to teach English making $50,000+ a year(i’m sorry, but I REALLY loathe this. But that can be a topic for a future post). Nevertheless, you get this sort of grace period to find a steady job, and by 26, you hope that you can confidently answer the very first, often asked question posed by individuals of your same age or older when first meeting them.

4. The Idea of Sports–both played and watched– Changes. You realize it the day after an intense basketball game on the courts. Your body is sore. I’m not talking about the good type of sore normally coming after a great workout. I’m talking about the Oh-crap-you’re-getting-older-and-your-body-is-now-starting-to-break-down-a-little-bit-each-year-for-the-rest-of-your-life kind of sore. I suppose all that was to be expected, but then even watching sports completely changes. Just last week, I was at a sports bar with friends, watching Lebron James play against the Orlando Magic. He rose up through the air and dunked on on some 6’6 opponent. This is a guy you look up to and idolize right? Wrong. Lebron James is younger than I am. This SEEMS wrong because he sure as hell doesn’t LOOK younger than me. Don’t even get me started on Greg Oden and how old HE looks… ((google search him, if you don’t know who he is.))

5. What The Heck Is My Dad Listening To? By 26, you are most likely listening to a few of those bands that your parents listened to. Growing up, I would tease my stepfather about Pink Floyd. I mean come on… sounds like a girly band. I would hear Michael Jackson on our stereo at home and i swore it was a girl singing. Fast forward 15 years, and I already consider Michael Jackson one of my biggest musical influences, and I’m starting to listen to more and more music that I used to make fun of my parents about. It’s even almost endearing to be able to share a musical taste with one of your parents. Something about sitting in a car and having a song come on the radio, that both of you actually like. Neither of you hits the change channel button. You quietly just bob your head, and have a nice family conversation(without the words.)

6. You Really Aren’t All That. With the rising of your age, coupled with the rise of Youtube, you realize that you really aren’t all that talented. I like to sing. Who cares? There’s some random 7 year old that just belted the same song you tend to audition with, and SHE blew your version out of the water. People think I can play the piano a little bit. Who cares? There’s that Chinese guy that plays with his feet only. Forget talents… even everyday things! Can you clap? Have you ever given a round of applause?  Yeah? But can you clap 14 times in one second?

7. Rest>>>Good Time Feel free to replace the “greater than” symbol with an “equal” symbol if you want. They’re really interchangeable by the time you’re 26. Halloween recently went by. One week prior, I had about 3-4 invites to parties or “Halloween events.” We had 3 (I REPEAT, THREE!!) nights/opportunities to celebrate Halloween during that weekend. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Let’s see. Friday night, cleaned my place and slept early. Saturday night, went for a nice run and slept early. Sunday night, cooked and got ready for the work week. If we had a 2nd Halloween this coming weekend, i’d probably do the very same thing. Sigh…

8. How Old Are You? If you were to ask a bunch of strangers how old they think you were, you would get a graphed plot so scattered that you could connect the dots and draw the Cool-Aid man. Seriously, I’ve gotten anywhere from College Freshman to Ahjuhshi (Korean word: 아저씨 which is something you call a guy who seems A LOT older than you). It’s also a nagging reminder that you’re just some random faceless person born sometime in the 80s. You don’t really fit in. Kinda like this:

9. You Will Stop At No End to Stay Youthful. You remember that time you hung out with your friends at the sports card store and were talking to each other about how great of a QB Troy Aikman
was? And then that weird creepy 26 year old dude came in, and asked you guys, “How about that Roger Staubach? Great QB, am I right?” And then you and your friends looked at each other and walked over to the basketball card table? Well you are now that guy. Only 4 years ago, you were 4 years removed from high school, getting ready to finish college, and still knew the pop culture, fashion trends, and cool shows on TV. Now, you’re 8 years removed from HS and clueless. Maybe being clueless isn’t SO bad. As a male, you refuse to start watching Glee, no matter what all the media/girls/gay guy friends say about it. Note: Apologies to all you straight fellas who watch it. I don’t judge… but yes, others do

10. After 26 Years, You Still Pretty Much Look The Same. For a large majority of individuals, you can look at their baby pictures and people pretty much look the same, minus the horrible clothes your mother used to dress you up in.Even then, in the end, things don’t change much… including maturity level.

11. Not Everyone Is Going To Like You. I think that one of the key lessons people learn as they grow up, is to master the hard task of figuring out how to not worry about what others think. In the end, It’s extremely hard. Almost impossible. But when you can let go of holding expectations of others, and just meet everyone else where they’re at. You can only hope to be yourself, and those that matter, will meet you where you’re at too.

12. The Truth About Females. They always say that females mature faster than males. At age 26, I am not going to act like I’ve figured out females. Most can’t even figure each other out. But what I have come to respect about the opposite sex, is that for all the things about women that men complain about , they generally all tend to be good at knowing what they want.

13. Independence Feels Good. At age 26, you’ve had 4 years(that’s the same number of years most people spend in college) to grow out of your collegiate ways and learn(struggle) to take care of yourself. But when I look back at this past year, I realize I’ve been paying my rent on my own for years. I’ve been doing my own taxes, paying all my bills, paying medical bills, scheduling/making appointments… i mean, I’m completely self-reliant. It’s not easy, but it’s a good feeling. I remember once reading that if a man finds no satisfaction in himself, he seeks for it in vain elsewhere. So basically, if you want to set up an equation for adulthood, it’s pretty simple:  self-discipline + self-reliance = adulthood. And then once you figure out how to balance the two and develop each, that would be maturity.

14. It Only Gets Harder to Make New Friends. This is a pretty key reflection up to this point in my life. As you get older, it’s going to be tough to make new close friends. I’m not just talking about meeting new people. If you can bring yourself to make an effort to go out, you’ll meet new people. I ride a charter bus to get to work every day, and I’ve had the pleasure of meeting new people quite often. That being said, the friends I’ve kept through the years, are few yet as I get older, I’m more intentional about “keeping” them. I realize that as life gets busier, it’s easy to lose touch. It’s easy to let days, weeks, months go by. It’s a reality: Work and family obligations keep individuals very busy these days. But go out of your way to make it a point to set up times to talk. Don’t just email or text message. Make it a point to just go out of your way to drop in on someone’s life randomly and let them know that something reminded you of them. Doing this can seriously make a person’s day and it’s quite lasting. Relationships take effort. It’s common sense. Oh, one more thing. People come and go in your life, and some come back. Accept them with open arms. On your end, be willing to swallow your pride and let bygones be bygones. Life’s too short to hold onto grudges.

15. Never Settle. At 26, I’ve learned an important lesson that actually extends in numerous ways. Never settle. Not in relationships. Not in a job. Not in your current state, whatever that may be. Basically, never.

16. Reading. As I’ve said many times before in this blog, reading is vitally important. As I look back at the last 26 years of life, I wish I could go back to my youth when I could literally get lost in books. While many would say that technology like Kindles make reading easier, it just makes reading turn into an ADD activity. Too often, I hear from Kindle/iPhone Books users who say they bought  a book, got through a little, and then stopped. Much of that is due to this fast paced lifestyle of reading bits and pieces at a time on public transportation or waiting for an appointment. What I’ve learned, in coming across many successful individuals, is that anyone who has been successful in anything was a big reader.

17. Money Doesn’t Matter As Much As You Think. The biggest thing I’ve learned by age 26 regarding money, is that you REALLY don’t need all that much to live comfortably and happily. I’d guesstimate that you may not need all that much more than 35k or 40k to do so. I firmly believe the strong correlation that the more you make, the more you spend. It’s often true. Our culture subliminally sends this message. In the end, money isn’t everything. Even cars. Even if you drive a crazy nice car, honestly the novelty of it rubs off pretty quickly, and you’re left wanting something better or different. Money is just like that. The more you have, the more you want. And in the end, you don’t even need all that much to be happy and content.

18. By Helping Others Get/Do What They Want, You Somehow Will Get What You Want(…Even If You Don’t Necessarily Know That You Want It At That Time). This is pretty self explanatory, but in my short 26 years of life, this is a truth that I’ve found.

19. Change Your Mindset To Reflect This: Value, Not Cost. Economics aside, in the end, it’s really about the value of things, rather than cost. I have an odd system where I’ll be frugal about certain things, and less frugal about others. It’s all about value, and lucky for you, just like beauty, value is in the eye of the beholder.

20. At 26, Changing The World. You grow up hearing things like “YOU CAN CHANGE THE WORLD!” or Gandhi’s quote “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” Thus far, what I’ve found is that the world is in your head. It’s what you make of it, or how you see it. And in that sense, you can indeed change the world. I know this sounds cliche, but in believing in yourself, that first key step leads to changes, that ironically do start to change those around you… and in turn, changes the environment you live in(i.e. the world.)

21. Give Thanks. One of the most useful lessons  in life, I learned when I was young. When my stepfather was growing up as the eldest of 4 boys, his father taught him an important lesson, which in turn was passed down to me. Every Christmas morning, they would open their gifts, but before they were allowed to play with their toys, they were ordered to sit at the dining room table, and write out thank you cards to every individual that gave them a gift. My stepfather passed this down to me, and went even further, by stating that if any kind act was done, whether it was someone buying me food or giving me a ride, I was to make sure to sit down at a table in my house that same day, and write/send a thank you card. Not an email. Not a text message. But a good old-fashioned thank you card.

22. The Art of Letting Go. In turning 26, I’ve had the (mis)fortune of experiencing many things. Loving, being loved, getting hurt, hurting others, etc. From all of these things, I’m slowly learning the art of letting go. Sometimes, life’s just easier that way. You let go of things. Sometimes they’ll come back. Sometimes they won’t because better things are on their way. Sometimes people are placed in your life for a specific amount of time. But you aren’t God so you really can’t see the big picture. All you do is learn to let go, and move forward looking forward.

23. “Find Something You’re Good At, And Get Someone To Pay You To Do It.” I’m pretty sure all of you have maybe heard this quote, but if you haven’t, it’s probably one of the most commonsensical yet genius things I’ve ever heard. I’ve allowed this to guide me in some way or fashion to the creative endeavors I pursue in music, writing, and other things in life. I’m still young, but it’s starting to pay off.

24. It’s Okay To Be Extreme. I’ve learned that I’m a pretty “extreme” sort of guy. In the sense that I’m always on the extremes. If I like something, I really like it. If I don’t, I really don’t. Same goes for things i’m passionate about. I’m not sure it’s a good thing. But it’s who I am. You are who you are. You can be who you are. And that’s always okay.

25. Birthday Excitement Has An Inverse Relationship with Age. Birthdays were so much better when you were a little kid. You could get together with your buddies and have a sleep over, sneaking out at night to walk 5 miles to the 7-11 to eat those Neon Yellow-colored nachos and slurpees. You could blow out candles on a birthday cake. Although you know there was always that one birthday kid, whose birthday party you went to, and he/she ALWAYS spit all over the damn cake while blowing out candles.

26. “All The World Is Birthday Cake, So Take A Piece, But Not Too Much.” In my short 26 years of life, I’ve also learned the importance of everything in moderation. It’s all about balance. In the end, we all want it, and move toward it. Sometimes we fall, but then we get back up and recorrect ourselves. That’s the beauty of the human spirit. I’m not sure what the next year holds for me, but I know that it’ll be good in the big picture of things. They always say that in leadership, you can never go wrong leaving the listeners(or readers) with an Abraham Lincoln quote so here goes:

“And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.”

Thank you God, for letting me live to see my 26th year of life.

Photo Commissioned for this entry by: mela.de.gypsie//photography

I consider myself fortunate that certain pressures do not seem overbearing for me, as they relate to dating, marriage, and/or courtship. I’ll be 26 in a little over a month; one year closer to the 30 mark. But in all honesty, that doesn’t even seem like a huge milestone anymore. If this was a quarter century ago, I might be pushed into thinking that something is wrong with me if I’ve had opportunities to date, yet find myself completely single and not even thinking at all about marriage. Of course, times have changed. They say 30 is the new 20, and I’m not sure whether that’s a sign that we’re living longer and longer, or if its just that we’re not maturing as fast as people used to. I’m going to assume the latter, since in my heart of hearts, I feel that at age 25, I feel just as clueless about marriage as I did at age 15. Okay, maybe my idea of who I’m looking for has evolved. Maybe my capacity to love others has also evolved, even grown. Maybe my experiences have taught me things that I did not know at age 15. But at the end of the day, despite what I don’t know about marriage, there is one thing that I hold firmly to, which is that while I’m out here in life all alone, trying to get through day by day, I’m not exactly alone. Not only are there others like myself, but God is out here with me as well. And He continues to teach me about the vastness of Him and His boundless marvel and love. Admittedly, being single can indeed be lonely… but that loneliness seems to be the perfect vessel through which God often speaks.

I feel that by isolating oneself, man is able to become aware of the abundance of his existence, rather than of the absence of those around him. Events in my life have led me to enter into deep and drawn out states of solitude, away from society, in complete solitary confinement even. These times, although tough, were not without purpose. In solitude, conflicting thoughts increase. There comes even a point in time where the mind teeters between loneliness and depression. And the only way you are able to bring yourself to the right side, is to realize that the distinct difference lies in loneliness versus solitude. Loneliness conveys the agony and grief of being on your own while solitude conveys the magnificence of being on your own. Albert Einstein once said  that solitude is “painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity.” I suppose that being forced to mature led to a better understanding of myself. And more importantly, being forced into solitude, my mind gained strength and adapted itself to lean on something beyond the world. Yes, solitude is difficult. But that is the exact reason that we should want to yearn for it. To learn perseverance. A richness gained.

Now I’m not arguing completely for solitude. On the contrary, through my time being single, I’ve been able to deeply appreciate the significance of community. As each year in the form of a page in my life, turns, I find a growing frequency of wedding invitations in my mailbox.  If you feel that weddings make you feel wistful and serve as a question of when your turn will finally come,  you aren’t too far off. However, on the flip side, I’ve found that weddings paint the perfect picture of what community is. Yes, there is the bride and groom. Yes they look beautiful. But just as important, are the individuals that surround these two. The community of family. Of friends. Of loved ones. Each representing love, suffering, sacrifice, fellowship, and encouragement. It never can be, nor will it be, just two individuals. For as long as I can remember, I’ve held onto the notion that holy matrimony is threefold. The foundation of Christ must be the vital part of a triangle relationship between man, woman, and God. If there is a foundation that exists in a human relationship, that far exceeds imperfection, then regardless of the flaws of character or the arguments that will inevitably arise, it will last. And even then, marriage isn’t the end of the road. Some will marry, while others will be called to a life of singleness. And that’s alright. There is love to be found even in the interactions one has with others. Regardless of whether it is a marriage relationship, or whether your “relationships” consist of these interactions, they simply make up one piece of a larger puzzle (after all… life can be quite puzzling). One component of a greater picture, which God continues to paint in each and every one of our lives.

Quia amasti me, fecisti me amabilem.   ((Because You loved me, You made me lovable.))

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

Just last week, I had a really interesting conversation with a good friend of mine about the salient differences between men and women. Obviously this is a debate for the ages, that will never be completely figured out. After all, “Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus.” This book by John Gray basically highlights the different needs and expectations that both men and women have, that they might as well be from different planets. He further goes on to attribute difficulties in relationships and marriage in our present culture to the failure for men and women to understand how the other both loves and expects to be loved. There are also a slew of articles and ongoing discussion in regards to the changing make-up of male/female relationships. What was once touted by experts as a solid belief of men being in the workplace and women staying at home, has now completely dissipated. Now you see both men and women working together, even in fields formerly dominated by one gender. You even see more women sharing sports interests with men and socializing together. This shift in gender culture has allowed for successful, platonic friendships between a male and a female, breaking the prior dogmatic truth that if you see a guy and girl together it must be romance. At its simplest point of understanding, each gender tends to excel at different types of cognitive functions. Neuroscientists attribute this toward the differing ratios of white and gray matter. Apart from science, a man has will, but woman has her way.

Paradigm Shift

The argument continues on as to whether this shift is a positive thing. Yes, gender inequality is addressed. Benefits are discussed. Emotional rewards are discussed. But you really cannot ignore the fact that men ARE different than women not only physically but mentally as well. I’m not saying one is dominant either. Newsweek just released an article today about how Women earn more Doctorates than Men. I just feel like with so much effort to EQUATE men and women, we’re changing the face of all the great differences between the two. Do we really want to go down that road where we want men and women to basically be the same?

Predicaments in Medical School

I had a really interesting discussion with my old roommate just last month. To put this conversation into context, I have to mention that he is now finishing up medical school and is in a wonderful relationship with his girlfriend heading toward marriage. We discussed how so many female medical students these days are talking about freezing their eggs, so that they can focus on their careers, and then when they feel ready to do so, they can always just have a child later on. Now, I’m not going to argue about the ethics of this type of thing, but I generally tend to favor things being as natural as possible. I’m going to assume you can paint your own picture of how things might be when you have a female in their late 40s deciding to back off a wonderful and successful profession to begin having a child. I think where this whole idea really surprised me, was how many of these female medical students actually were excited at this idea and how many decided to go forth and make the decision to have their eggs frozen. Here I was… thinking that female med students were busy enough thinking about studies, USMLE Step exams, and figuring out where to do their residencies.

Imagine if men could freeze or store their Human Growth Hormone over the course of 10 years, starting at age 15, and then inject all of it when they are age 30, and be an amazing athlete for 5 years of their life. They could make $40 Million dollars a year and then never work ever again. I know this sounds ridiculous, but with the way technology is going, I’m not sure its completely out of the question.

Why Women Love Coca Cola More than Men

Gender has even crept its way into the “Climate Change” debate, which i think is completely ridiculous. An article in today’s USA Today features a study done by an associate professor at Michigan State University which concludes that women are more likely to accept climate science than men. I don’t really think I agree with the professor’s point that women convey greater scientific knowledge of climate change and that they are more concerned about it. I do hold my own passionate opinions about the importance of being stewards of this planet, however, I think that the only thing this article tells me, is that more females are concerned, because the USA Today editor put a cute picture of a baby polar bear as a part of the article. For example:

Polar Bear Picture in USA Today Article

A few gems of wisdom which I hope will prove invaluable to both male and female readers…

Men Vs. Women: Thoughts

Men Vs. Women: Chances of Men Winning an Argument

Men Vs. Women: Colors

Boys Vs. Girls: Boys' Dodgeball Usage

Men Vs. Women: Bathroom Sign

]]> http://orijinalbrand.com/2010/09/15/men-vs-women/feed/ 0 Jae Blog Polar Bear Picture in USA Today Men Vs. Women THOUGHTS Argument Colors Dodgeball Usage Bathroom Sign http://orijinalbrand.com/2010/09/05/never-judge-a-book-by-its-movie/ http://orijinalbrand.com/2010/09/05/never-judge-a-book-by-its-movie/#comments Sun, 05 Sep 2010 21:54:37 +0000 orijinalbrand http://orijinalbrand.com/?p=458 Continue reading →]]>

Photo Commissioned for this entry by: mela.de.gypsie//photography

On this lazy Sunday afternoon of this Labor Day Weekend, I was thinking back to many a Sunday afternoons where I’d escape into a good book. This escape is incomparable. You can travel anywhere, without the cost or hassle of airlines. You can even be in two places at the same time, if you try hard enough. You can carry on intimate conversations with individuals across generations. These unseen generations can furthermore bring you into the past, or fling you into the future. And whichever way you are brought, somehow you are still at the very same time in the present, sitting there curled up with that book. And some books will engross you to the point of losing yourself completely. Sometimes losing self, and transforming into a completely different character. And the sad reality of it is that when i stop and think of all the amazing and wonderful books i’ve read, it has been many years since i’ve felt the same way I did while reading those books. I suppose that’s what happens. We grow older, which in turn speeds up how fast the weeks go by. The change in speed of time, changes our priorities. It is as if we don’t even have a single hour to set aside to escape. And so i’d love to break this cycle of reading to remember, so that I can go back and read to forget.

In no particular order, here are ten of my favorite books I’ve lost myself in:

1. This Side of Paradise- F. Scott Fitzgerald

This was one of my favorite books I read as a young adult. It seemed to do the best job of attempting to struggle with this fine line of immature adolescence and tender manhood. This book ends with one of my favorite ending lines I’ve ever read: “I know myself, but that is all.” ((You can read it for free online))

2. The Sun Also Rises- Ernest Hemingway

Ernest Hemingway embodies all of what literary ellipsis is. To me, I feel that there is nothing better than this notion that emotions are so tremendous that there are no words to adequately describe them.

3. Love in the Time of Cholera- Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Aside from this being one of the most beautifully written books I’ve ever read, I love the fact that this book is more complex than most people think. It isn’t just a Hollywood style love story about love triumphing over all. If you take the time to ingest what is going on, you see that Ariza does the same thing many people who fall victim to love do. Ariza also is the victim of his surroundings and what others consider “ideal happiness.” I also am engrossed at this idea of love being a literal “illness.”  ((Note: I have an upcoming post on this book))

4. A Farewell to Arms- Ernest Hemingway

I used to think that if I ever lived a life worthy of writing into a semi-authobiographical work, it would have to be as well-written as this Hemingway novel.

5. Demian- Hermann Hesse

The first book I read (oddly in Elementary School) which challenged me into thinking about opposing forces, within one’s consciousness. In some odd way, it encouraged me to challenge the status quo. This book embodies the realization of self.

6. Brothers Karamazov- Fyodor Dostoevsky

This was one of the most challenging books i’ve ever read. Not in the way that Ulysses is difficult, but rather one can get through it, but to really struggle with the numerous ethical debates surrounding faith, existence, and reasoning. No other work of fiction has tugged at the foundations of my mind, the way this did.

7. A Severe Mercy- Sheldon Vanauken (+ C.S. Lewis)

Hollywood romance is cliche. If you want to read something truly heart-wrenching and worth calling love, read this.

8. Travels with Charley- John Steinbeck

This is more a travelogue than a novel, but nonetheless reads effortlessly and inspires you to understand why everyone talks about taking road trips. I’m assuming that if Steinbeck had gone with other human beings rather than his dog, the travelogue would have played out much more differently… and by differently, i’d side with interesting different, but in a bad way.

9. The Catcher in the Rye- J.D. Salinger

I hate that High School required reading lists often tend to destroy the potential of certain books. (i.e. Great Gatsby). Luckily when I read this book, it was not required, and I was able to enjoy it aside from all the allusions that people spoke about. Yeah, sure, the loss of innocence was felt, but aside from that, I often think that some books are just meant to be read and meant to affect you in whatever ways they do. This is one of those books.

10. The History of Love- Nicole Krauss

“Once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering.”  Yes. It’s like that part in the book where you can totally understand that part where you might see a girl who is absolutely beautiful. One part of your mind thinks: ‘Please don’t look at me.’ And part of you thinks: ‘Look at me.’  The quotes in this book will both blow your mind and both excite and depress your heart at the very same time.