This third group of responses, submitted from a variety of individuals I personally know and respect, touch upon a common theme of love in various ways. These experiences have led to the growth and molding of perspectives about the environment around them, the individuals surrounding them, and their own selves. I hope you’ll enjoy reading these as much as I did. Maybe it will give you perspective in your own lives in some way…

Note: If you have not yet read the Introduction to this Perspectives Series, feel free to do so prior to continuing on. You can also read  the first two batches of responses: Vol 1(Life) and Vol 2(Death).

A Warm Blanket on a Cold Night

It had snowed 6 inches and I was nowhere near prepared for it.  A March flurry like this was late in the season, even for the Himalayas. I hiked alongside of her, tired, wet and cold.  She kept up a brisk pace for such thin shoes. As dusk set in and icy water trickled down my back, I thought about all the loved ones back home I missed.  We had arrived at her house – a single cement room carved out of the mouth of a waterfall. “Welcome” she said, with a thick accent, motioning for me to step inside.  Fear crept up my throat.  We were alone in a snowstorm, miles from a main road, and there was no electricity.  Inside was one blanket on a bed and a couple of eating utensils. Maybe it was irrational, but I really did start to get scared.  Could this Indian social worker who spoke only a few words of English really guide me back to my research group in the valley tomorrow morning?

We peeled potatoes in near-darkness and I thought about how we had been strangers just hours earlier.  I marveled at her decision to leave the comfort of the city after graduate school and return to the rural mountain villages of her childhood to run a public health clinic.   Everyone we passed in the village had greeted her with a wide smile.  Her selflessness touched me – a real agape sort of love for others. There aren’t many times in my adult life where I can remember being vulnerable – feeling really helpless against the elements.  But that night was one of them.

I shivered and looked down at the wet UnderArmor and North face fleece I had on.  It was too cold to peel back some of the wet layers that weren’t providing any warmth.  As I continued to shiver, the fear in my heart grew. What if I get hypothermia? Frostbite? Or worse? I wish I could just turn up a thermostat. It wasn’t long into the night I felt her take the lone blanket we were sharing and put it all on me.  I peered over the covers at the thin cotton shirt and pants she was wearing.  ”Aren’t you cold?” I asked, listening to the wind outside. That’s a silly question, I thought, of course she is.

“All of mine is yours because I call you my friend,” she replied.  Her words blew cobwebs off a Scripture verse in the dusty corners of my mind:  John 15:15-16 “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit – fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other.”

I don’t know how to define love.  But I know I felt loved by a kind stranger that night, because somehow, after that, I fell asleep. The cold and my fear were gone.

Sentiments on Love

With Love Always, Your Daughter

Dear Dad,

Do you remember when you took off my last training wheel back when I was five?  I made it to the other side of the lot with great success but I was crying like an ugly child the entire way.  I remember you ran over with the biggest smile on your face before you scooped me up and started laughing. You had let go before you actually finished saying you were going to let go. I didn’t think I was ready to take off that last wheel but you knew better.  You knew I was going to be successful.

I needed that same reaction when I told you I’d be moving to LA after graduation, geographically nowhere near VA.  Instead you lashed out at me with all the negative consequences this decision of mine could yield.  For the first time you used “failure” as a claim in your argument against me. A reaction I have never been exposed to and one in which I didn’t know how to receive.  I would be lying if I told you I didn’t hate you with all of my heart in that one moment.  I left despite and in spite of all you had said.

Fast forward four years later; I sit here writing this letter to you. Though I was entirely alone on my independent journey, you were with me through all the advice you had bestowed upon me, your frequent phone calls, and of course in spirit.  I could have never anticipated the amount of hardships I would have to endure to get to where I am now.  Most importantly, through those hardships came lessons and through those lessons came realizations.  I realized what kind of father you are to your children; what kind of husband you are to your wife; what kind of brother you are to your siblings; and ultimately what kind of child you were to your parents.  You are a man who is not afraid to love his family wholeheartedly.  You use this love as your fuel to live each day.  I know now that it is because you loved me so much that I found the confidence to attain much of the success I have achieved and am able to strive for greater success in the future.  I am honored to be your daughter and I wear your name with the utmost pride.

Thank you for taking off my training wheels when you did.  Otherwise, I would have never learned that you’re not supposed to wait until you feel like you’re ready.  Rather, it’s about taking control and creating the right moments to succeed.  I reflect back on all the hardships these past 4 years have brought me and it was what you said in our phone call the other night that makes it all worthwhile, “Sweetie, I’m proud of you.  I love you.”

I love you too.

With love always,
Your daughter.

Untitled Love

When I was younger I always thought one of the, if not the number one, most important goal in my life would be to find perfect or ideal romantic love. Since man first discovered how to etch drawings into the walls of caves tens of thousands of years before the dawn of writing this has been a primary theme of media and has remained so to this day. It seems only natural considering how integral the issue is to our existence. However, in my earlier relationships (with one exception) I never really felt that deep connection. When I finally found myself immersed in a loving relationship that lasted nearly two years, I really began to understand what all the hype was about.

Sadly the relationship did end. When that happened I experienced something I did not expect. For a significant period of time I was caught in an all encompassing emotional turmoil. At points I felt completely sure that I had given up the true love of my life and the person who I should have spent the rest of my days with. I felt hopeless, desperate and confused. I met someone new with whom I shared a great connection and amazing potential, yet somehow I found myself still grasping at straws for that which I had lost. In the end I let the girl who held so much potential slip away in favor of giving another shot to the girl who I knew in my heart all along was not going to work. As one would probably suspect, it ended badly a second time, this time ending the friendship as well.

When my head finally cleared after all this I realized something important. I realized that romantic love is a chemical roller-coaster. It takes control of a person and throws them in a luge directed at the end result of procreation. It is the product of billions of years of evolution and is a powerful force to this end. It can make a person lose their rationality and goals. Even in that amazing instance when two people find perfect love together, at least one will always crash their sled into that brick wall of loss when separated by circumstance or death.

I know this all might be starting to sound cynical but I am not by any means advocating giving up on romantic love. I still actively seek it and have great faith in what it can do overall for a person’s spirit. What I am warning against is a sole reliance on it as a cornerstone of your life as it once was for me. If we can learn anything from the likes of Siddhartha Gautama and many more since, it is that the only truly reliable and lasting love is the love and acceptances of everything as one and of yourself. If you set out to love everything and everyone, even those with whom romantic love has failed, this love and happiness can be relied upon without fear of loss or an invasive emotional roller-coaster. Although it might not be as natural as the chemical drive to reproduction, many examples have show us that by making these our goals we become truly empowered, happy, and resistant to the chaos of life.